Jokes for Children

Jokes of Mr Bean

2009-07-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

5) Marriage:
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

New Jokes for Mach, 2009

2009-03-08T19:11:00.000-07:00

1.
Teacher: 'What is your name?'
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight.

2.
Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don't joke tell me the right name'
Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."

3.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

4.
Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

5.

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday

6.
Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? '
Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'

7.
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

8.
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Biggest Cities and places to visit in New Zealand

2009-01-04T05:12:00.000-08:00

Planning to visit New Zealand. First let us know something about this country.

New Zealand lies in the South Pacific Ocean, south-east of Australia and has a mountainous terrain, with some large coastal plains. At 0 m, the lowest point of New Zealand is the Pacific Ocean. With an elevation of 3,754 m, Aoraki-Mount Cook is the highest point of the country.

New Zealand is a place of sublime natural beauty, populated exclusively by sheep, hobbits, and, lately, hoteliers. But for a high-style antipodal experience, it's hard to know where to stay. New Zealand’s summer is a good time to visit the country. Those looking to avoid the usual tourist crowd should refrain from travelling to New Zealand during their peak summer months, from mid-December to mid-January.

There are very good number of places to visit in New Zealand. The biggest city in New Zealand is Auckland, and the capital city of New Zealand is Wellington, the third biggest city. Both these cities are situated on the more populous North Island. The biggest city in the South Island and second biggest in New Zealand is Christchurch.

1. AUCKLAND: Auckland is well named as the ‘City of Sails’ because of its association with round-the-world yacht races and the America’s Cup. The Auckland metropolitan area or Greater Auckland, situated on and around an isthmus in the North Island of New Zealand, is the largest urban area of the country, with a cosmopolitan population exceeding 1.2 million. The local Maori name for Auckland is Tāmaki Makau Rau or Ākarana. One of the main geographical features in Auckland are the 50 or so volcanic cones that are dotted in and around the city's suburbs. The more known volcanos include Mt Victoria, Mt Albert, Mt Wellington and the most famous of all, One Tree Hill. These Volcanic cones offer the best views of Auckland as they rise abruptly from the undulating landscape below. The city has held 2 Americas Cup events and you can wine and dine at any number of superb restaurants, cafes, and bars along the harbour to service the yachting and dining culture.

There are large number of Hotels in Auckland to stay. Staying at these hotels is really a very good and rich experience. And as New Zealand's largest city, Auckland's range of hotels and motels is second to none. An overview of Auckland Hotels can be obtained by clicking here.

2. WELLINGTON: Wellington is the Capital of New Zealand. The city is built around a magnificent harbour and the suburbs extend up and over steep hills until you reach the southern coastline. Northward expansion of the city extends into the Hutt Valley and along the western coastline. Wellington prides itself on the fact that it is a cultural and arts centre, and offers an abundance of quality restaurants and cafes. The city centre is lively and offers a wide range of shopping, nightlife and entertainment. Wellington's waterfront also has many facilities to enjoy, there are parks, shops and New Zealand's National Museum called Te Papa. Wellington is a small capital (is only two kilometres wide so it can be easily explored on foot), but is really full with interesting attractions, good shops, exciting galleries and great restaurants. There are a large number of good hotels at Wellington to stay and enjoy. Have an overview of Wellington Hotels.

3. CHRISTHURCH: Christchurch is the biggest city in the South Island and the 3rd biggest city in New Zealand. It is a popular destination in New Zealand and is a major gateway to the country as it has the 2nd biggest international airport. Internationally famed, the Garden City, Christchurch's well-established expansive parks and public gardens owe much to the planning and foresight of the city's founding fathers. The centrally-located 161 hectare Hagley Park, the Botanic Gardens, the four leafy inner-city avenues, Victoria Square and spectacular gardens such as Mona Vale on the banks of the River Avon bear testimony to this legacy. The city is also often called as Garden City because of its over 740 Parks. The Square in the heart of the city is an entertaining place where you can sit down and watch unplanned entertainment from people debating subjects like religion or listening to the ramblings of the Wizard or the latest news from the Town Crier. Even with your head in a book, Christchurch tempts you with its beauty, as the New Brighton Library is poised right on the beach, with comfy chairs to curl up in and gaze out the window at the sea. Of course, in a town this pretty, there are a wide range of Christchurch hotels from which to base your explorations. You can have a look at the Christchurch Hotels.

Besides these places, there are a lot of other cities which are worth seeing in New Zealand.

Santa and Banta Jokes

2008-08-14T16:46:00.000-07:00

1. An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards

2. How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

3. Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

4. Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the
line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****.
Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

5. Santa falls in love with a nurse...
After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter
to her: "I luv u sister."

6. Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

7. Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!

8. lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press
the bell but no one comes out.

9. Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he
hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

10. An englishman and santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

11. Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

12. Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board,
gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat

13. History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas

High Performance Commercial Metal Roofing Solutions

2008-06-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

Do u want to extend the life of your Metal Roof? Your metal roof is a major source of security and protection for your business and, whether your roof is old and in need of repair or newly laid, it will benefit from the cost saving benefits, the durability and superior metal roof insulation of Insultec heat-reflective membrane.

Commercial roofing Sydney provides solutions to your roofing problems. At Commercial Roofing Australia you deal with experienced professionals who understand your roofing and roof insulation requirements - professionals who have been in the commercial metal roofing game long enough to also know there are times they need to go out of their way to research, assess and deliver unique solutions.

Commercial roofing Australia are skilled in delivering a broad range of applications and services including the following:

1. Insultec membrane / coating systems : This is applied like a roof paint but capable of achieving good insulation and maintenance free results. Ideal for steel roofing and any metal roof surface. Also used for water proofing.

2. Commercial sheet metal roofing repair and replacement : Save yourself thousands by getting the job right first time and by replacing only the area of your steel roof, or other, that needs replacement. the techniques by commercial roofing australia ensure a smooth, weatherproof finish.

3. Asbestos Removal, Replacement & Encapsulation : The dangerous removal of asbestos should always be carried out by trained and licensed specialists. Extensive asbestos removal is an area of speciality as is replacement with the material and roof coatings of your choice. Insultec is the ideal product for safely securing your asbestos roofing, ceiling or walls. If suitable, encapsulation is more convenient and 66% cheaper than removal. You can discuss your options with Commercial Roofing Australia.

4. Waster Proofing : Insultec Water Proofing Membrane is a premium quality Seamless Elastic Membrane . It is applied at a thickness of at least 1,000 microns and has bridge cracking up to 1.6 mm. Can be used in a range of applications including concrete and bitumen.

5. Security : Commercial Roofing Australia hold membership with Master Builders Association NSW (1849527) and the Asbestos Removal Contractors Association (ARCA) and our Asbestos Insurance and Public Liability are underwritten by Lloyd's of London.

6. Asbestos Disposal : While all asbestos is inherently dangerous if damaged or weathered, it is friable, or ‘loose’, asbestos which poses the highest asbestos disposal risk. If any amount of friable asbestos greater than 0.5m 2 or non-friable asbestos greater than 10m 2 is to be removed, a licensed contractor must be employed. After removal, the asbestos must be contained in purpose made bags and clearly marked, then transported under a “Transporter of Listed Waste” licence. The load must be identified and transported as dangerous goods and disposed of at a licensed disposal site. Commercial Roofing Australia undertake safe asbestos disposal anywhere across Sydney and NSW for commercial and industrial businesses. Contact them on 1300 725 988. to discuss your needs and the potential cost involved.

All of their roofing technicians are fully qualified and trained in Occupational Workplace, Heath and Safety. Please browse their site to find out about their full range of services. If you can't find the service you need, contact them anyhow so that they may assess and discuss your needs.

Commercial Roofing Australia are ready to visit your premises to offer you a free quotation on your commercial metal roofing. Their professional, friendly team will welcome your call on 1300 725 988.

Indian Hell

2008-04-18T15:09:00.000-07:00

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told: "First, they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then, they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then, the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the
day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then, he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told: "First, they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then, they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then, the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the
day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt. servant, so he comes in, signs the
register and then goes to the cafeteria…"

Teacher and Student Jokes

2008-04-10T17:42:00.001-07:00

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Children Jokes for March, 2008

2008-03-30T00:45:00.001-07:00

First Operation

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

....................................................................................

Is It Dead?

One of the teachers had a kindergartener come up to her and say that he had found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead.

The student said it was dead.

The teacher asked how he knew.

The boy said, "I pissed in its ear."

The teacher said, "You what?"

He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
.....................................................................................

Confused Child

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse",she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!
.....................................................................................

Reality and Imagination

Small boy came home after the school and immediately he goes to his father.
Because the teacher was explaining in the class something about Reality and Imagination but to him it was not clear, he asks his father "can you tell me which the difference between Reality and Imagination is?" trying to be as objective as he can he reply to his sun: "go boy to your mom and your sis and tell them that a very handsome young boy asked you about them, that they are beautiful,like, he would love to share some moments alone with them but tell this to each personally and after they reply cam and tell me what they said". Boy goes at first and after that he has don what his father asked from him, he cams back and tell to father that "mother, when she heard me what I told her, her eyes start shining and asked me about the boys name and where he lives and is he really so cool etc." also the sister did the same, maybe she was more interested in details than mother. Than father told to the sun:
Boy, Imagination in this case is that I always thought that I have a faithful wife and a very educated daughter and Reality is that we have two sluts living in same house with us
.....................................................................................

Team Work

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head."

Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb a--hole', is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

Medical Jokes

2008-03-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

A Short History of Medicine: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 A.D. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year."

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."

A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech. Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.

Lady says to pharmacist: "Why does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?"
Pharmacist replies: "Cause that's all we've documented so far."

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"

If it is dry - add moist; if it is moisten - add dryness. Congratulations, now you are a dermatologist.

Patient to the eye doctor: "Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain."
"Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking."

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."

Funny Jokes

2007-12-03T15:47:00.000-08:00

1. Dad and Son
Dad to Son : When I beat u how do u control your anger.
son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with ur tooth brush.

2. Husband and Wife

husband asks, do u know the meaning of wife.
it means... - without - informtion - fighting - evrytime!
wife on hearng this says, it could also mean - with idiot for ever!

Q: Why did the atoms cross the road?
A: It was time to split!

Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.

Q: What do you call a woman with a sinking ship on her head?
A: Mandy Lifeboats!

Q: What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head playing snooker?
A: Beatrix Potter!

Q: What do you call a lion with toothache?
A: Rory!

Q: What do you call a man with a big truck on his head?
A: Laurie!

Q: What do you call a man with turf on his head?
A: Pete!

Q: What do you call the ghost who haunts TV shows?
A: Phantom of the Oprah!

Q: What kind of illness does Bruce Lee get?
A: Kung Flu!

SMS Jokes

2007-06-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Ruby First Class in Bed!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was asked, what is a adult joke? Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.

Three Surdarjis in Singapore

2007-06-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

Three Sardarjis went for a tour to Singapore. They searched for rooms
Everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of
A 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they started for a local visit. While Leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should
Reach the hotel before 10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they Have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.

After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30. Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways Under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without
Much trouble. After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the Third sardarji said," I have a sad story to say, but i will tell
at the end only". Then second sardarji finished his story and the third
Finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.

Then first sardarji asked what the sad story was. The third one said, "I Forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".

They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second Sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said," I got a sad
story, but I will also say that at the end". They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second Sardarji said, "The keys were in my pocket only". With anger and full Tired, they once again start from the first floor.

After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said, " I too have a sad Story, but I will say at the end only". Then they reached the
100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad
Story, he replied: "This is not our hotel; it is on the other side of road, opposite to This".

!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!

Marriage Humour

2007-05-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

Different Phases of a man:

After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman

------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of
Women"?
Sales girl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: "Everything
"and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &
the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a
womanwho loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each
other!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is
having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
-------------------------------------------------------
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother & said, "I've found
aman just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do u want from me, sympathy?"

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

Laloo's Joke -- LOCAL CALL

2007-05-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

Narasimha Rao, Mulayam Singh Yadav and Laloo Yadav died and reach hell. All 3 of them desperately feel like talking to their family members.

So, when Yamaraj asks them for one last wish they say that they would want to make a phone call to their respective houses. Yamaraj says, 'OK, but you will be charged at international rates for the phone call!'.

Next they make a phone call each and are then given their bill. Narasimha Rao's bill will read Rs. 50,000, Mulayam Singh's, Rs. 45,000 and Laloo's bill Rs. 1.50.

Narasimha Rao and Mulayam Singh are pretty upset and think this is unfair, 'How could you charge him just Rs. 1.50?'.

Yamaraj replies, 'That's because from hell to Bihar it's only a local call.'

Computer Jokes - BIRTH STORY

2007-05-22T17:15:00.000-07:00

Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!

Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secludes room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.

As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.

Lallo's Stamp

2007-05-22T17:06:00.000-07:00

Laloo wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Laloo was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Laloo. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."

Jokes for the month of May, 2007

2007-05-03T16:55:00.000-07:00

1. Customer and cooking oil.

A customer enters shop and shouts : Where's my free gift with this cooking oil?

Man : There is nothing free with this Sir,
Customer : Oyez! It's written Cholesterol Free.
Man : ?!?!?!?!

2. Gokul and Umesh

Gokul and Umesh went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two cakes, Gokul quickly picked out the bigger cake for himself. Umesh wasn't happy about that : "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

Gokul : "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Umesh : "The smaller piece, of course".
Gokul : "What are you whinning about then? The smallerpiece is what you want,
right?"

3. Teacher and student

Teacher : What is the difference an elephant and housefly?
Student : Very simple. A housefly can sit on an elephant, but an elephant cannot
sit on a housefly.

4. Subhasini: Why do surgeons and nurses wear masks during a surgery?

Durga Prasad: So that, if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it.

5. Suresh : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father : Yes, I think so. What do you want me to write?
Suresh : Your signature on my progress report card.

6. Ramu : I find a knot on your handkerchief! Who tied it?
Somu : My wife.
Ramu : Why did she do it?
Somu : To remind me to post her letter.
Ramu : And did you post it?
Somu : No, my wife forgot to give me the letter!

7. Rakesh and his mother

Mother (angry with her son) : Rakesh, why are you drawing on the wall.
Rakesh : Mummy, didn't you say this is a drawing room?

8. Conductor of a double decker bus (to a villager) : There is no seat here, plese go up.

Villager : I won't.
Conductor : Why?
villager : The bus on top has no wheels.

9. Two thieves were great friends. They met after a long time and were exchanging news.

First thief : See this gold cup. I won it in a race.
Second thief : How many others were in the race?
First thief : Only two, they were behind me. One is the owner and the other is
policeman.

Online Dating Site

2007-04-18T00:38:00.000-07:00

Meet thousands of fun, attractive, men and women in your area on a totally FREE online dating site. No gimmicks, no tricks. Stop paying for online dating now. Join this site and browse online personals from thousands of sexy singles who've discovered the benefits of free online dating and matchmaking. Why wait. Join now.

Justsayhi.com is a small company with a big dream. This is a good online dating website which is free to join. It is a high quality and absolutely free dating site. The fetures of the site are as good as any paid dating site, yet it is 100% free site. No credit card is required to join. YOu can meet thousands of attractive, fun men and women on this site. There is a link to community where you can goto different community areas like "Jokes and funny storeies" or any other community. You can post a new topic which will be read by thousands of singles around the world and get a response from them. Interested. Click here to join.

Sardarji Jokes

2007-04-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

You can be sure the person is Sardar when he:

- Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
- Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
- Thinks socialism means partying.
- Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
- At the bottom of the application where it says, "Sign here" he puts "Sagittarius."
- Sells the car for gas money.
- Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
- Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
* * * * * *
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
* * * * * *
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* * * * * *
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* * * * * *

Jokes for the month of April, 2007

2007-04-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

1. Two men and police man

Two men were walking in the woods one-day and one falls down on the ground lookng dead. the other man rings up the police and explains what had happened. The police man says to him, "you have to make sure he is dead, otherwise there would not be much point ringing me". So the man picks up a gun and shoots the guy lying on the floor and says, "Right, I've now made sure he is dead."

2. Teacher and student

"It's clear." said the teacher, "that you haven't studied your geography. What is your excuse?".
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settle down". said the student.

3. Teacher and Student

Teacher: Tell me, what you know of Raja ram mohan roy"
Meghna: Ma'am, Raja, RAm, MOhan and Roy were four good friends. We find their names in history books.

4. Mother and Doctor

Mother (in panic) : Doctor, my boy has swallowed a mice.
Doctor : Madam, calm down, asm him to swallow a cat.

5. Gandhiji
Teacher : When was gandhiji born"
Raju : On his birth day sir.

6. Air hostess
Air-hostess : Are you a vegetarian or Non-vegetarian"
Passenger : I am an Indian.

7. Rohit and ice cream
Rohit : papa, let me eat an ice-cream.
Father : Rohit, you should not eat ice-cream in winter.
Rohit : Please, papa, I shall heat it beore eating it.

8. History
Mom : Why aren't you doing very well in History?
Ranjit : Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born.

9. Policeman and scootorist
Policeman: Why are you driving without light?
Scootorist: Because there is light everywhere?
Policeman: Then I shall remove air from the tyres.
Scootorist: why?
Polcieman : Because there is air everywhere,

10. Adam's apple
Mayuri: My father has acquird Sachin Tendulkar's wrist watch.
Sujatha: That's nothing! my father has adam's apple

11. Mohan and Rohan
Mohan : If you put your hand in your right pocket and found 25 rupees, and put your hand in the left pocket and found 50 rupees, what would you do?
Rohan: I would immediatley rush to my tailor and ask him to stitch more pockets on my trousers.