Marriage Humour

Different Phases of a man:

After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman


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There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of
Women"?
Sales girl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: "Everything
"and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"
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A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
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Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &
the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence
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What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a
womanwho loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each
other!
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Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is
having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"
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Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
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The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother & said, "I've found
aman just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do u want from me, sympathy?"

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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

Laloo's Joke -- LOCAL CALL

Narasimha Rao, Mulayam Singh Yadav and Laloo Yadav died and reach hell. All 3 of them desperately feel like talking to their family members.

So, when Yamaraj asks them for one last wish they say that they would want to make a phone call to their respective houses. Yamaraj says, 'OK, but you will be charged at international rates for the phone call!'.

Next they make a phone call each and are then given their bill. Narasimha Rao's bill will read Rs. 50,000, Mulayam Singh's, Rs. 45,000 and Laloo's bill Rs. 1.50.

Narasimha Rao and Mulayam Singh are pretty upset and think this is unfair, 'How could you charge him just Rs. 1.50?'.

Yamaraj replies, 'That's because from hell to Bihar it's only a local call.'

Computer Jokes - BIRTH STORY

Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!

Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secludes room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.

As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.

Lallo's Stamp

Laloo wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Laloo was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Laloo. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."

Jokes for the month of May, 2007

1. Customer and cooking oil.

A customer enters shop and shouts : Where's my free gift with this cooking oil?

Man : There is nothing free with this Sir,
Customer : Oyez! It's written Cholesterol Free.
Man : ?!?!?!?!


2. Gokul and Umesh

Gokul and Umesh went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two cakes, Gokul quickly picked out the bigger cake for himself. Umesh wasn't happy about that : "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

Gokul : "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Umesh : "The smaller piece, of course".
Gokul : "What are you whinning about then? The smallerpiece is what you want,
right?"

3. Teacher and student

Teacher : What is the difference an elephant and housefly?
Student : Very simple. A housefly can sit on an elephant, but an elephant cannot
sit on a housefly.

4. Subhasini: Why do surgeons and nurses wear masks during a surgery?

Durga Prasad: So that, if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it.

5. Suresh : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father : Yes, I think so. What do you want me to write?
Suresh : Your signature on my progress report card.

6. Ramu : I find a knot on your handkerchief! Who tied it?
Somu : My wife.
Ramu : Why did she do it?
Somu : To remind me to post her letter.
Ramu : And did you post it?
Somu : No, my wife forgot to give me the letter!

7. Rakesh and his mother

Mother (angry with her son) : Rakesh, why are you drawing on the wall.
Rakesh : Mummy, didn't you say this is a drawing room?

8. Conductor of a double decker bus (to a villager) : There is no seat here, plese go up.

Villager : I won't.
Conductor : Why?
villager : The bus on top has no wheels.


9. Two thieves were great friends. They met after a long time and were exchanging news.

First thief : See this gold cup. I won it in a race.
Second thief : How many others were in the race?
First thief : Only two, they were behind me. One is the owner and the other is
policeman.