1. Dad and Son
Dad to Son : When I beat u how do u control your anger.
son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with ur tooth brush.
2. Husband and Wife
husband asks, do u know the meaning of wife.
it means... - without - informtion - fighting - evrytime!
wife on hearng this says, it could also mean - with idiot for ever!
Q: Why did the atoms cross the road?
A: It was time to split!
Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.
Q: What do you call a woman with a sinking ship on her head?
A: Mandy Lifeboats!
Q: What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head playing snooker?
A: Beatrix Potter!
Q: What do you call a lion with toothache?
A: Rory!
Q: What do you call a man with a big truck on his head?
A: Laurie!
Q: What do you call a man with turf on his head?
A: Pete!
Q: What do you call the ghost who haunts TV shows?
A: Phantom of the Oprah!
Q: What kind of illness does Bruce Lee get?
A: Kung Flu!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
SMS Jokes
A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Ruby First Class in Bed!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was asked, what is a adult joke? Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Ruby First Class in Bed!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was asked, what is a adult joke? Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Three Surdarjis in Singapore
Three Sardarjis went for a tour to Singapore. They searched for rooms
Everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of
A 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they started for a local visit. While Leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should
Reach the hotel before 10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they Have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.
After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30. Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways Under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without
Much trouble. After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the Third sardarji said," I have a sad story to say, but i will tell
at the end only". Then second sardarji finished his story and the third
Finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.
Then first sardarji asked what the sad story was. The third one said, "I Forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".
They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second Sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said," I got a sad
story, but I will also say that at the end". They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second Sardarji said, "The keys were in my pocket only". With anger and full Tired, they once again start from the first floor.
After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said, " I too have a sad Story, but I will say at the end only". Then they reached the
100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad
Story, he replied: "This is not our hotel; it is on the other side of road, opposite to This".
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!
Everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of
A 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they started for a local visit. While Leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should
Reach the hotel before 10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they Have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.
After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30. Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways Under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without
Much trouble. After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the Third sardarji said," I have a sad story to say, but i will tell
at the end only". Then second sardarji finished his story and the third
Finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.
Then first sardarji asked what the sad story was. The third one said, "I Forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".
They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second Sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said," I got a sad
story, but I will also say that at the end". They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second Sardarji said, "The keys were in my pocket only". With anger and full Tired, they once again start from the first floor.
After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said, " I too have a sad Story, but I will say at the end only". Then they reached the
100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad
Story, he replied: "This is not our hotel; it is on the other side of road, opposite to This".
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Marriage Humour
Different Phases of a man:
After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of
Women"?
Sales girl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: "Everything
"and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &
the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a
womanwho loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each
other!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is
having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
-------------------------------------------------------
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother & said, "I've found
aman just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do u want from me, sympathy?"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of
Women"?
Sales girl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: "Everything
"and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &
the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a
womanwho loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each
other!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is
having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
-------------------------------------------------------
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother & said, "I've found
aman just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do u want from me, sympathy?"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Laloo's Joke -- LOCAL CALL
Narasimha Rao, Mulayam Singh Yadav and Laloo Yadav died and reach hell. All 3 of them desperately feel like talking to their family members.
So, when Yamaraj asks them for one last wish they say that they would want to make a phone call to their respective houses. Yamaraj says, 'OK, but you will be charged at international rates for the phone call!'.
Next they make a phone call each and are then given their bill. Narasimha Rao's bill will read Rs. 50,000, Mulayam Singh's, Rs. 45,000 and Laloo's bill Rs. 1.50.
Narasimha Rao and Mulayam Singh are pretty upset and think this is unfair, 'How could you charge him just Rs. 1.50?'.
Yamaraj replies, 'That's because from hell to Bihar it's only a local call.'
So, when Yamaraj asks them for one last wish they say that they would want to make a phone call to their respective houses. Yamaraj says, 'OK, but you will be charged at international rates for the phone call!'.
Next they make a phone call each and are then given their bill. Narasimha Rao's bill will read Rs. 50,000, Mulayam Singh's, Rs. 45,000 and Laloo's bill Rs. 1.50.
Narasimha Rao and Mulayam Singh are pretty upset and think this is unfair, 'How could you charge him just Rs. 1.50?'.
Yamaraj replies, 'That's because from hell to Bihar it's only a local call.'
Computer Jokes - BIRTH STORY
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secludes room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
Lallo's Stamp
Laloo wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Laloo was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Laloo. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Jokes for the month of May, 2007
1. Customer and cooking oil.
A customer enters shop and shouts : Where's my free gift with this cooking oil?
Man : There is nothing free with this Sir,
Customer : Oyez! It's written Cholesterol Free.
Man : ?!?!?!?!
2. Gokul and Umesh
Gokul and Umesh went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two cakes, Gokul quickly picked out the bigger cake for himself. Umesh wasn't happy about that : "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Gokul : "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Umesh : "The smaller piece, of course".
Gokul : "What are you whinning about then? The smallerpiece is what you want,
right?"
3. Teacher and student
Teacher : What is the difference an elephant and housefly?
Student : Very simple. A housefly can sit on an elephant, but an elephant cannot
sit on a housefly.
4. Subhasini: Why do surgeons and nurses wear masks during a surgery?
Durga Prasad: So that, if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it.
5. Suresh : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father : Yes, I think so. What do you want me to write?
Suresh : Your signature on my progress report card.
6. Ramu : I find a knot on your handkerchief! Who tied it?
Somu : My wife.
Ramu : Why did she do it?
Somu : To remind me to post her letter.
Ramu : And did you post it?
Somu : No, my wife forgot to give me the letter!
7. Rakesh and his mother
Mother (angry with her son) : Rakesh, why are you drawing on the wall.
Rakesh : Mummy, didn't you say this is a drawing room?
8. Conductor of a double decker bus (to a villager) : There is no seat here, plese go up.
Villager : I won't.
Conductor : Why?
villager : The bus on top has no wheels.
9. Two thieves were great friends. They met after a long time and were exchanging news.
First thief : See this gold cup. I won it in a race.
Second thief : How many others were in the race?
First thief : Only two, they were behind me. One is the owner and the other is
policeman.
A customer enters shop and shouts : Where's my free gift with this cooking oil?
Man : There is nothing free with this Sir,
Customer : Oyez! It's written Cholesterol Free.
Man : ?!?!?!?!
2. Gokul and Umesh
Gokul and Umesh went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two cakes, Gokul quickly picked out the bigger cake for himself. Umesh wasn't happy about that : "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Gokul : "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Umesh : "The smaller piece, of course".
Gokul : "What are you whinning about then? The smallerpiece is what you want,
right?"
3. Teacher and student
Teacher : What is the difference an elephant and housefly?
Student : Very simple. A housefly can sit on an elephant, but an elephant cannot
sit on a housefly.
4. Subhasini: Why do surgeons and nurses wear masks during a surgery?
Durga Prasad: So that, if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it.
5. Suresh : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father : Yes, I think so. What do you want me to write?
Suresh : Your signature on my progress report card.
6. Ramu : I find a knot on your handkerchief! Who tied it?
Somu : My wife.
Ramu : Why did she do it?
Somu : To remind me to post her letter.
Ramu : And did you post it?
Somu : No, my wife forgot to give me the letter!
7. Rakesh and his mother
Mother (angry with her son) : Rakesh, why are you drawing on the wall.
Rakesh : Mummy, didn't you say this is a drawing room?
8. Conductor of a double decker bus (to a villager) : There is no seat here, plese go up.
Villager : I won't.
Conductor : Why?
villager : The bus on top has no wheels.
9. Two thieves were great friends. They met after a long time and were exchanging news.
First thief : See this gold cup. I won it in a race.
Second thief : How many others were in the race?
First thief : Only two, they were behind me. One is the owner and the other is
policeman.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
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Sunday, April 8, 2007
Sardarji Jokes
You can be sure the person is Sardar when he:
- Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
- Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
- Thinks socialism means partying.
- Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
- At the bottom of the application where it says, "Sign here" he puts "Sagittarius."
- Sells the car for gas money.
- Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
- Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
* * * * * *
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
* * * * * *
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* * * * * *
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* * * * * *
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Jokes for the month of April, 2007
1. Two men and police man
Two men were walking in the woods one-day and one falls down on the ground lookng dead. the other man rings up the police and explains what had happened. The police man says to him, "you have to make sure he is dead, otherwise there would not be much point ringing me". So the man picks up a gun and shoots the guy lying on the floor and says, "Right, I've now made sure he is dead."
2. Teacher and student
"It's clear." said the teacher, "that you haven't studied your geography. What is your excuse?".
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settle down". said the student.
3. Teacher and Student
Teacher: Tell me, what you know of Raja ram mohan roy"
Meghna: Ma'am, Raja, RAm, MOhan and Roy were four good friends. We find their names in history books.
4. Mother and Doctor
Mother (in panic) : Doctor, my boy has swallowed a mice.
Doctor : Madam, calm down, asm him to swallow a cat.
5. Gandhiji
Teacher : When was gandhiji born"
Raju : On his birth day sir.
6. Air hostess
Air-hostess : Are you a vegetarian or Non-vegetarian"
Passenger : I am an Indian.
7. Rohit and ice cream
Rohit : papa, let me eat an ice-cream.
Father : Rohit, you should not eat ice-cream in winter.
Rohit : Please, papa, I shall heat it beore eating it.
8. History
Mom : Why aren't you doing very well in History?
Ranjit : Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born.
9. Policeman and scootorist
Policeman: Why are you driving without light?
Scootorist: Because there is light everywhere?
Policeman: Then I shall remove air from the tyres.
Scootorist: why?
Polcieman : Because there is air everywhere,
10. Adam's apple
Mayuri: My father has acquird Sachin Tendulkar's wrist watch.
Sujatha: That's nothing! my father has adam's apple
11. Mohan and Rohan
Mohan : If you put your hand in your right pocket and found 25 rupees, and put your hand in the left pocket and found 50 rupees, what would you do?
Rohan: I would immediatley rush to my tailor and ask him to stitch more pockets on my trousers.
Two men were walking in the woods one-day and one falls down on the ground lookng dead. the other man rings up the police and explains what had happened. The police man says to him, "you have to make sure he is dead, otherwise there would not be much point ringing me". So the man picks up a gun and shoots the guy lying on the floor and says, "Right, I've now made sure he is dead."
2. Teacher and student
"It's clear." said the teacher, "that you haven't studied your geography. What is your excuse?".
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settle down". said the student.
3. Teacher and Student
Teacher: Tell me, what you know of Raja ram mohan roy"
Meghna: Ma'am, Raja, RAm, MOhan and Roy were four good friends. We find their names in history books.
4. Mother and Doctor
Mother (in panic) : Doctor, my boy has swallowed a mice.
Doctor : Madam, calm down, asm him to swallow a cat.
5. Gandhiji
Teacher : When was gandhiji born"
Raju : On his birth day sir.
6. Air hostess
Air-hostess : Are you a vegetarian or Non-vegetarian"
Passenger : I am an Indian.
7. Rohit and ice cream
Rohit : papa, let me eat an ice-cream.
Father : Rohit, you should not eat ice-cream in winter.
Rohit : Please, papa, I shall heat it beore eating it.
8. History
Mom : Why aren't you doing very well in History?
Ranjit : Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born.
9. Policeman and scootorist
Policeman: Why are you driving without light?
Scootorist: Because there is light everywhere?
Policeman: Then I shall remove air from the tyres.
Scootorist: why?
Polcieman : Because there is air everywhere,
10. Adam's apple
Mayuri: My father has acquird Sachin Tendulkar's wrist watch.
Sujatha: That's nothing! my father has adam's apple
11. Mohan and Rohan
Mohan : If you put your hand in your right pocket and found 25 rupees, and put your hand in the left pocket and found 50 rupees, what would you do?
Rohan: I would immediatley rush to my tailor and ask him to stitch more pockets on my trousers.
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